Blogs
#48 Intention Deficit
As a mother you’re probably familiar with the term Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. This is an issue that affects an estimated 11% of children and 8% of adults in the U.S. Some of the symptoms are difficulty paying attention, losing focus easily and trouble controlling impulses. My son was diagnosed with ADD when he was 4 years old but thankfully with the help of his teachers and my study of behavior management skills, he was able to learn how to manage his mind and his behavior, to successfully navigate challenges at school and to focus on the task at hand. He is now 23 years old and a successful Software Developer.
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#47 Achieving Balance
What comes up for you when you think about balance? For most working women, work-life balance is top of mind. It’s the idea that one area of life (usually work) is throwing the other areas of life (usually family) out of balance. In the last few decades more employers see the idea of offering to meet their employees need for more work-life balance as a win/win situation. They believe that if they create an environment that their employees are happy working in, they will stay longer and be more productive.
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#46 Making Decisions
Why is that you can make certain decisions all day, every day yet agonize over making other decisions? Some decisions are a no-brainer like deciding to not roll through stop signs on your way to work but then some decisions seem tortuous like whether to eat what you brought for lunch or order in with everyone else. Have you ever gotten so caught up in the fear of making the wrong decision that you made no decision at all? Most people experience this trap, agonizing over what to do or not do, and then ultimately doing nothing other than spinning in confusion and fear.
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#45 Parenting With a Managed Mind
One of the most challenging and rewarding roles you can have in life is being a parent. I have yet to meet a parent who wasn’t surprised at what parenthood required of them. With each new stage in your child’s life it seems like you have to learn a whole new language. There’s the language of early childhood, of toddlers and adolescents, of the teenage years and of adulthood. Each stage offers its own unique opportunities to learn and grow along with your child.
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#44 Stopping the Cycle of Compare and Despair
According to Wikipedia the definition of the term compare and despair is “to distress oneself by comparing one’s own situation with others who are more successful” however I believe it’s more far reaching than that. When you compare and despair you can be judging yourself, your situation, your choices or your worth as a woman, mother, employee, friend, spouse, etc. The tendency to compare yourself to others and then despair about the comparison can come in the form of believing you aren’t as (fill in the blank) as someone else like when you look at a high school friend’s Facebook page and feel horrible because their house is so much nicer. It can also come in the form of comparing your past to your present and wishing you could go back in time like when you leave your job and start regretting the decision because the new job is more challenging than the last
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#43 When Stress is Causing You to Overeat or Overdrink
In 2013 the Chartered Accountants Benevolent Association (CABA) reported survey results showing that around 30% of accountant participants admitted to a drinking problem. The key is the word “admitted”; if 30% admitted to having an issue, imagine how many were unwilling to. Unfortunately this isn’t just an issue for accountants. In a 2016 study of lawyers, nearly 3 out of 4 participants reported problematic use of alcohol and drugs to cope with stress starting as early as law school. It doesn’t matter whether you are an accountant, a lawyer or in any other field of work, stress, long working hours
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#42 Believing New Things
Before I explain why believing new things is important, I would like you to consider something for just a minute: • Everything that we have created in the history of human existence started with a thought • Nothing has been shipped from another planet • All the materials for everything we have has always been here • Really consider that Whether it’s a candle or a lightbulb, a piece of paper or an iPhone, everything that surrounds us, other than nature, has come into existence because of a thought. First comes the thought then comes the thing.
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#41 The One Thing
As a working mother you are probably juggling more balls up in the air than most circus clowns. If you’ve ever done a Google Search on how to multi task you probably discovered over 6 million hits offering to help you figure out how to get everything on your to-do list done. Like most working mothers you may dream of having less distractions and less on your plate but don’t see how that’s remotely possible. Maybe you’ve started to believe it’s just the way things are so you’ll just have to power through or maybe it’s become so overwhelming that you’ve started to buffer away your stressful feelings with other things like alcohol, shopping or social media.
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#40 The Problem With Feeling Justified
When you hear the term “justified” what comes to mind? For a lot of people it’s something dramatic like in the example of the distraught father at the trial of the Olympic Women’s Gymnastic doctor who molested countless girls, who lunged at the doctor in court after hearing the horrific things he had done to his daughters. However, sometimes the idea of feeling justified or offering a justification isn’t as dramatic, as in the example of laying on the horn of your car when someone cuts you off. No matter what comes to mind when you hear or use the term justified, it’s a pretty common feeling.
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#39 Pausing Your Career
Whether it’s to raise your children, to be the caregiver for aging parents or any host of reasons, hitting the “pause” button on your career may be something you’ve considered. The concept of pausing the trajectory of your career by working a reduced schedule or leaving your career entirely with the plan to return at some later point can come with a lot of questions and concerns.
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#38 Improving Your Relationship With Money
If you work in any financial field, you most likely believe you know how to handle money and finances. But even if you aren’t in those fields, I want to ask you a few questions: How do you FEEL about money? What is your relationship with YOUR money? Do you know HOW TO money (yes as a verb)? When it comes to women and money, I’ve got some good news, some sort of good news and some bad news:
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#37 The Secret to Dealing With Rejection
I’m sure we can all agree that rejection doesn’t feel great. In fact most of the time, it sucks. Whether it’s in your professional or personal life, rejection can destroy your self-esteem, create anger and fear, as well as take up precious brain space. If you’ve experienced rejection before and didn’t have the tools to manage your mind, it can feel all-consuming. It may become all you can think about or talk about. Once the experience of rejection has passed, the feelings of shame, worry and sadness can become your constant companion.
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#36 Recovery From People Pleasing
I was listening to a podcast recently where I heard the following statement – “People pleasers are liars.” The host went onto explain her reasoning and I was captivated. She didn’t use the word “liar” in a derogatory way, but rather in a “you’re not being truthful to yourself” kind of way. So many women wear the badge of “people pleaser”, especially mothers. On the surface using the term people pleaser seems so nice. It seems like all you want to do is make people happy and what’s wrong with that?
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#35 How to Enjoy Time Off
Summer time is almost here! It’s that time of year when weekends, personal days and vacations are focused on because deadlines and “busy season” are in the rear view mirror. It’s that time when you get to reconnect with your family, friends and with yourself. However if you are like most working moms, you may return to the office after time off feeling sluggish and more frazzled than before. You finally get stretches of free time to relax however when you come back to work after a weekend or a vacation, you often feel like you need another break.
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#34 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
There was a funny episode of Seinfeld years ago where Elaine says to Jerry “Is it possible I’m not as attractive as I think I am?” What made that scene so funny is that, unlike most of us, Elaine had a pretty positive self-image and was confused when someone didn’t agree with it. What most people experience is the complete opposite – you feel that you’ll be uncovered as a fraud for being unworthy for what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. You may experience that insidious feeling that you’re out of your league, not good enough, that you are only in your position because you got lucky or that sooner or later you will be found out.
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#33 How to Stop Being the Judge and Jury
I bet you would describe yourself as smart, maybe generous and possibly kind. It’s nice to see yourself in a positive light but what if we put a bubble above your head for everyone to read your thoughts, like in a cartoon; how many of those thoughts would be judgmental? It is human nature to be judgmental but that natural tendency seems to have been put on steroids in this age of social media. There are many more opportunities to judge, compare and critique people you know as well as complete strangers.
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#32 How to Solve Any Problem
As female accountants you are no stranger to problem solving. Whether it’s your client’s or your company’s problems, you have been educated extensively on how to solve problems and create balanced results in the form of financial planning and financial reporting among many other things. You may have exceled at solving mathematical problems when you were in school, which lead you to pursue an accounting career. If you are like me, you enjoy the comfort of knowing that the numbers don’t lie and that an analytical, problem solving mind is rewarded in our career.
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#31 Stop Going to the Hardware Store for Bread
A number of years ago I began attending a 12 Step recovery program for people affected by someone else’s addiction. In that program I learned so many new ways of seeing the world and how to live life differently. This new healthy way of being was confusing and refreshing at the same time. One of the most interesting teachings came from the idea that if you stop insisting that your needs be met according to your will, you may discover that all the love and support you need is already available inside you. We were taught that “Turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to a hardware store for bread”.
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#30 If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I…?
As an intelligent, capable woman and mother, have you ever been confused when you can’t figure something out or do something you assumed you could? Maybe it’s the inability to lose weight or make your child behave better or even figure out how to put together the Ikea bookcase. Have you ever had many failed attempts at something you thought you could succeed at and wind up asking “If I’m so smart, why can’t I…?” It seems like a legitimate question to ask.
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#29 How to Stop Being a Drama Mama
It wasn’t too long ago that the definition of drama was related to literature, stage performances and the expression of art. Now we define everything in terms of drama – “She’s a drama queen”, ”This office is just full of drama” or “I can’t deal with his drama right now” are just a few of the normal expressions we have in our day to day lives. Drama has become somewhat of an addiction just like the overuse of alcohol to numb your feelings or the overuse of social media to escape your life. If you don’t think you are addicted to drama then consider the following from the article “10 Signs You’re Addicted to Drama”:
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#28 Desperately Seeking Validation
Back in the mid 80’s there was a movie called “Desperately Seeking Susan” about a bored suburban housewife seeking to escape from her life. She suffers amnesia after an accident, wakes up and is mistaken for a free-spirited New York City drifter named Susan (played by the singer, Madonna). The housewife is fascinated by the life of this free-spirit and desperately wants to find her and know her better. Her boring life seems to pale in comparison to this other woman. She thinks that by being more like the drifter and being validated by how people see this woman, she can then have a better life.
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#27 How to Overcome Overwhelm
As a working mom you are probably no stranger to feeling overwhelmed by your workload and doing your best to balance it with your social, family and personal life. It seems to be the norm no matter what profession you are in, but especially for female accountants who also happen to be moms. Like most people you probably think overwhelm is caused by: • Your workload • Not enough time in the day • Unrealistic expectations of your boss or manager
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#26 The Horse of Your Habits
There’s a story about a man riding a horse, galloping quickly. It appears that he’s going somewhere very important. A man standing along the roadside shouts, “Where are you going?” The rider replies, “I don’t know. Ask the horse!” This is the story of most people’s lives; you’re riding the horse of your habits, with no idea where you’re headed.
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#25 How To Be a Better Accountant
It’s just you and me here and I’m so glad you stopped by to talk. How have you been? How’s the accounting profession treating you? Do you feel like you are doing a great job? Have you been working harder yet feeling worse about your abilities, your productivity, your time management or your confidence? I hear you saying that some days it’s good but most of the days it’s not. I get it. What about your level of stress? Have you been feeling anxious and unfocused? How about your analytical skills? Have you been making mistakes or missing opportunities lately?
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#24 How To Stop Taking Things Personally
Imagine how different life would be if it wasn’t possible to take things personally. Your mother-in-law’s comments about your house wouldn’t affect you, your co-workers not mentioning they were going out for drinks wouldn’t be an issue and your child’s teacher sending home a note encouraging parents to send healthier snacks into school wouldn’t be a personal attack. It would be great if you could take a sip of some magic potion and not react to people’s words and actions in a self-deprecating way. You could go through life knowing that other people’s opinions are interesting but cannot affect you.
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#23 Your Instruction Manual
Let’s face it, life would be so much easier if you could hand everyone instructions on what you need from them in order for you to be happy. You wouldn’t have to worry about whether you are doing a good job, you wouldn’t feel underappreciated and you wouldn’t feel like no one understands you. Feeling happier and more appreciated at work and at home is part of what working mothers are continually striving for. If only there was an instruction manual that you could give your significant other, your boss or your children that would tell them in detail what to do so you can feel better.
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#22 How Gossip Affects Your Brain
I’m sure you would agree that finding out about the latest celebrity drama and sharing it with a friend or a coworker is just part of our culture today. It may not feel like such a big deal to let a trusted friend know what you heard about that difficult mother in the PTA. Gossip can be a little exciting at first and maybe you feel a little bad afterwards but in the grand scheme of things it’s no big deal right? What if I told you that gossip is harmful to your brain and can hurt you in the long term if it goes unchecked? Once I learned about how our brains work and how we experience life, I realized how harmful gossip is to the lives we say we want to have.
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#21 Am I a Good Mom?
How often over the course of your life have you asked yourself, “Am I good enough”? It often starts at a young age when you begin comparing yourself to others. You start creating beliefs about how the world works. You come up with an image in your head about what it means to be “good” and “enough” and continually measure yourself against that image. In this age of hyper-awareness of the rest of the world’s accomplishments via social media, you can begin to have an even greater feeling of not being good enough. You begin comparing yourself to the edited versions of other people’s lives and start feeling like you don’t measure up.
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#20 Working Part Time and Being Successful
As a working mom with an accounting career you know a lot about hard work and trying to balance your career with your family. Sometimes it can seem like it’s just not possible to do it all and especially to do it successfully. There may come a point where you want to consider working a reduced schedule but aren’t sure how it will affect your career. You want to be successful in your career but you also want to be happy in other areas of your life. You begin to question whether working part time and being successful is possible.
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#19 The Power of Flipping Regret
Lyrics from the Frank Sinatra song “My Way” share the final thoughts of someone before they die. The song talks about living a life that’s full, traveling, doing what they had to do and sometimes biting off more than they could chew. That song is the battle cry for living, loving and laughing until one’s final breath. It’s about living a life that you won’t have to regret later on. In a study done by hospice care, the most common end-of-life regrets were:
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#18 Lies Told To Young Girls and Mothers
I just finished the audiobook “Girl Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis and had some time to sit and think about what she shared. In the book, Rachel shares twenty lies and misconceptions that hold us back from living joyfully and productively. These lies have been taught to us from an early age and we perpetuate them by believing them so much, we don’t question their validity. In addition to Rachel’s, I had also read another book a while ago about what happy working mothers know and literally yelled out loud “NO!!” (I’ll explain why later). Unfortunately there are so many unintentional lies taught to young girls that get passed down and then passed on. It can be a shock to the system to really take a good hard look at what’s true and what’s false.
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#17 Beating Burnout
No matter what profession you are in, the concept of burnout is all too familiar to working women. As working moms we have an added layer of challenges, expectations, judgments and time constraints that can take the feeling of stress to the next level. Many women hit the proverbial wall and surrender by announcing that burnout has beaten them; they just can’t do it all.
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#16 The Secrets To Creating More Time
As a working mom I’m sure you’ve said out loud (more than a few times) “There’s just not enough time in the day!” With everything we have going on in our lives, it seems like a reasonable thing to exclaim. But what if you could actually create more time?
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#15 Working Mom Mantras and Other Helpful Thoughts
In the past ten years, the awareness of Eastern philosophies and ways of healing our minds and bodies has become part of our normal conversation. What used to be considered “hippie-ish” is now more mainstream. People are looking for ways to be more “zen” and less stressed. It’s not unheard of for someone to learn yoga, practice meditation with the help of a phone app, burn candles or play spa-like music to help slow down their hurried lives.
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#14 A Year of “No More”
Shonda Rhimes, the amazing creator of the shows Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal as well as executive producer of How to Get Away With Murder, is a super busy working mom. She balances her demanding job with being a single mother of 3 young girls but one Thanksgiving, everything changed. While describing all the things she was asked to do but chose not to, her sister muttered “You never say yes to anything”. This one exchange with her sister made her take a look at her life in a whole new way. She chose to spend the following year saying yes to everything she feared and chronicling that year into the book “A Year of Yes”. What she learned about herself during that challenging year made her book a New York Times Bestseller and a soul sister for many women.
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#13 The Gift of Getting Things Done
In last week’s blog I discussed how to set a goal and provided steps to take along the journey of reaching that goal. What comes up for many people after setting a goal is the question “But how do I finish what I started?” If you are anything like me, you dive into the newness of a book, project or goal and then lose that “loving feeling” and fizzle out half way through. It’s the main reason why there are so many empty gyms on February 1st.
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#12 Who Do You Need To Become To Achieve Your Goals?
January is just around the corner and you know what that means – New Year’s resolutions! A commonly cited statistic is that only 8% of people actually keep their New Year’s resolutions. Isn’t that amazing! We typically see the following twelve months of a new year as a clean slate of possibility. We look back at all the things we didn’t accomplish the previous year and exclaim “This is my year!” Setting goals has even become an entire industry in and of itself with competitions like “The Biggest Loser” and the proliferation of yearly goal setting planners determined to keep you motivated and on track.
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#11 The Truth About Fear
Of all the things clients want to be coached on, fear is the most common. They’ve taken fear to an extreme that doesn’t serve them. It makes them play small. Things like the fear of imperfection, of judgment, of success or failure, not being good enough, losing control or fear of what might happen in the future are just some of the fears that we carry around like a super heavy backpack.
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#10 How To Feel Better
The holiday season is upon us which means the giving and getting of gifts. As children we can’t wait to get that special toy we’ve been waiting all year for. We feel the thrill of anticipation. We may feel excited, happy and loved believing that getting that desired present is the cause of our happiness. No matter what holiday we celebrate or what age we are, we often wish those great feelings could last throughout the year. Most of us are taught at a very early age to want
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#9 Confessions of an Introverted Mother
The first time I understood the deeper meaning of the difference between an introvert and an extrovert, I got emotional because I wasn’t aware that there were other people just like me. I was reading a book on behavior management and thought it would be fun to take a quiz on whether I was an introvert or an extrovert, never knowing how those results would change my life. I have since learned to own my introvert nature and to even be grateful for how I handle the world in my own unique way.
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#8 Let’s End Mom Guilt, One Profession At A Time
It can strike at any time no matter what we do for a living, how many children we have, what their ages are or how much help we have balancing our career with our family. When we are at work, we can feel guilty because we wish we were with our kids. When we are with the kids, we can feel guilty because we wish we were at work. We have a tug of war going on in our hearts and minds and it’s a war that’s has been creating stress for working moms for decades. I have been a CPA for over 30 years and a mom for 26 years. My children have only ever known having a mom that works and for most of my early career, mom guilt reared its ugly head on a regular basis.
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#7 Dealing With Difficult People
It’s almost that time of year when families gather for the holidays and work parties require everyone to try to get along. It’s when we dread having to see that uncle who always finds something to complain about or we try to avoid that coworker who only wants to brag about her kids and never asks us how ours are doing. Whether it’s at work, in our family or in our daily interactions, difficult people seem to be everywhere.
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#6 Why We Buffer and How To Stop
You may be familiar with the term “buffering” In the world of computers. You are probably used to seeing the little swirling circle when you are trying to watch a video. In the dictionary, buffering also means to lessen or moderate the impact of something as in “She tried to buffer her children from the effects of the divorce”. It’s synonymous with protecting, defending or guarding. When we use buffering in our lives to “lessen or moderate the impact of something”, it’s to lessen the impact of our negative emotions.
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#5 How To Organize and Simplify Your Life Dramatically
It’s that time of year when we bring out next seasons clothes and become re-familiar with what’s been stored away. It’s when the old can become “new” again. When we can make decisions about things we want to keep, discard or give away. If you got swept up in the decluttering craze of Marie Kondo’s book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” like I did, you know all about only keeping items that you love and how to properly fold and store
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#4 Why We Take Things Personally and How To Stop
A few weeks ago my husband had chosen to not speak to me for a day. I was mistaken about the time we were supposed to leave for something and I wasn’t ready when it was time to go so he went without me. Before I learned how to manage my mind, this type of scenario would have played out with thoughts like these:
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#3 Why You Aren’t Happy At Your Job and What To Do About It
When was the last time you were happy at your job? When was the last time you came home and felt a sense of accomplishment? This week I’m going to explore why people believe they aren’t happy at their jobs, why I disagree with the reasons and what you can do to feel better about your job.
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#2 How To Set Boundaries The Correct Way
Envision this – resentment free relationships, no longer engaging in gossip, clear and honest communication with others and with yourself, managing your relationship with technology, feeling peaceful and in control. Sounds great right? It’s possible when you learn how to set proper boundaries in your life. This week I’m going to share the secrets to setting boundaries (hint: just saying “no” is not setting a boundary), what a boundary is and is not and share an example from my life.
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#1 Why the Future of Accounting is Female
The further back you look, more articles were written about the rise of female accountants. Female accountants have been making their presence more noticeable since the 90’s when the demand for accountants was on the rise. This week I’m going to explore my beginning as a female accountant, why statistics don’t paint a true picture, the female business owner trend, the new generation of “conscious creators” that female accountants are poised to support and how I can support you by showing you how to manage your mind.
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